


Fierce Stars and Broken Hearts

by arashinana



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Iwaizumi is sad, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Oikawa is sick, Sick Character, Sickfic, Slice of Life, There's fluff? Like a moment of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24783505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arashinana/pseuds/arashinana
Summary: If Oikawa had to compare him to one of the stars he loved so much, it would have to be Polaris; the North Star. It wasn’t the brightest star in the sky, that title belonged to Sirius, but Oikawa didn’t need the brightest. The light of Polaris was a humble one, not too bright, not too dim, but perfect all the same. It's unwavering position served as a beacon to guide travellers and other lost souls home. If Oikawa could give Polaris a trait, he’d say it was dependable. Just like his Iwa-chan.Or: Oikawa looks back on his life with Iwaizumi.Based on Amalas Iwaoi comic.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 18
Kudos: 42





	Fierce Stars and Broken Hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hockeyjew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hockeyjew/gifts), [thatonecowboy67](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonecowboy67/gifts).



> Hello! I know this isn't what I was originally working on but [hockeyjew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hockeyjew) linked me to this beautiful comic by [Amalas](https://amalasdraws.tumblr.com/) who graciously gave me her blessing to use her comic as the basis for this fic. Please check out [the comic here](https://amalasdraws.tumblr.com/post/621107105804533760/thank-you-for-this-life-there-hasnt-been-acomic), I highly recommend reading this before the fic. Also, please check out the rest of her art! She is an amazing artist! Thank you Amalas for allowing me to do this!
> 
> I wrote this non-stop like a mad woman today and I'm so happy with how it turned out.
> 
> Shout out to [hockeyjew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hockeyjew) and [thatonecowboy67](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonecowboy67) for being awesome kouhai and hyping me and my angst life up. I dedicate this to both of you!
> 
> I hope I don't disappoint anyone involved.
> 
> No beta, any mistakes are my own!

White walls. White sheets. White lights. White machines. Oikawa could swear that when he closed his eyes, he saw white too. He hated hospitals. The only good thing that had come out of a hospital that he could remember was Takeru. Though some days, Takeru being a good thing was sometimes questionable. He loved his nephew, really he did. He smiled fondly at the thought of him. He missed him. But Takeru was a grown man now, too busy with his life to spend much time with his old uncle anymore.

Oikawa was tired, he laid listlessly against the too soft pillows, limbs heavy. The steady rise and fall of his chest elicited a hiss from the oxygen concentrator at his side. The sound was a welcome addition to the stillness of the room, but a dark reminder of the situation he was in. The doctors told him that he would be put on oxygen therapy indefinitely. 

“To reduce your heart’s workload.” They had said.

There was a time when Oikawa had been the pinnacle of health being the professional athlete that he was. But that all seemed so long ago now. He glanced down at his body and grimaced. His once toned muscles now atrophied from disuse, his golden skin now pale as the only light that touched him was in the confines of his room. What he wouldn’t give to go back in time and relive the days of his youth.

Oikawa allowed his thoughts to wander, and smiled when they ended up where they always did. His memories of Iwaizumi and their relationship over the years. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off to happier times.

** Six  **

“Iwa-chan!!!” Oikawa whined as he held out the plastic bug carrier that Iwaizumi had entrusted him with. “Put it away! Put it away!!”

Iwaizumi’s face glowed with glee and fascination as he observed the small creature crawling along the length of his arm. “Look, Oikawa! Isn’t it cool?” He shifted to bring his arm to his friend’s eye level.

Startled by his movement, the beetle lifted off from its perch on Iwaizumi and flew straight towards Oikawa’s face. Scenes from his short six-year-old life flashed before his eyes as glossy black wings and horns charged towards him. 

“Ahh!!”

“Oikawa, look out!!”

In his haste to get away, Oikawa turned a little too far and his forehead made contact with the trunk of a tree with an audible thunk. Oikawa bounced from the impact and landed on his backside. The bug carrier fell out of his hands and he wailed as he clutched his forehead in pain.

Iwaizumi quickly closed the distance between them and crouched down beside his best friend. 

“Are you okay?”

“No! It hurts!” Oikawa cried. “Your beetle almost killed me!”

Iwaizumi snorted, “If anything, the tree almost killed you. Come on, let me see.” He gently pulled Oikawa’s hands away and frowned when he saw the angry red mark on Oikawa’s forehead. It looked like it really hurt. Naturally, he had to poke it. It’s what any six-year-old would have done. 

“Ow! Iwa-chan!” Oikawa stamped his feet and he looked up with watery eyes to glare at his now ex-best friend.

Iwaizumi’s lips curved up into an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t really. But he did feel a little bad that Oikawa was hurt. He listened to him rant with a bemused expression. Oikawa declared that he needed to find a new best friend because his current one was terrible for sending killer beetles after him to end his life. Ever the dramatic one, Oikawa. He wasn’t sure what compelled him to do so, but Iwaizumi brought his lips to the injury.

Chocolate brown eyes stared at him in shock. He gaped like an adorable fish.

Iwaizumi was equally shocked, he had effectively shut Oikawa Tooru up.

Who knew all he had to do was kiss him?

“Come on, let’s go home. I have godzilla bandaids.” Iwaizumi stood, hoisting Oikawa up with him. He picked up the fallen bug carrier in one hand, grabbed Oikawa’s hand in the other and led them out of the park. 

  
  


** Eleven  **

“Why is it always me?” Oikawa complained from the bottom of the hill. He and Iwaizumi were on yet another outdoor bug adventure, only this time Iwaizumi had found a spider. He had once again held it up to his eye level. Oikawa vividly remembered staring death in the face. All eight legs of it.

_Who knew spiders could jump?_

Oikawa had flailed and leapt a safe distance away, only to lose his footing and fall backwards. He made no move to get up and return to his best friend. He decided he was just going to lay there and wait for the aliens to take him away. He had always found the stars and the planets much more interesting than Iwaizumi’s creepy crawlies. Space exploration seemed much safer. 

_Spiders couldn’t survive up in space right?_

He lost track of how long he had been laying there. Oikawa busied himself, trying to name the constellations he recognized and tried to figure out if the bright star above was Venus or something else. He had just spotted Cassiopeia when he felt Iwaizumi flop onto the grass beside him. He waited a beat before he looked over and met dark eyes, and the permanent annoyed expression on Iwaizumi’s face. 

“It wasn’t going to hurt you,” Iwaizumi huffed. Oikawa rolled his eyes and hummed in reply, choosing to return his attention back to the night sky. 

“Are you hurt?” Iwaizumi finally asked.

Oikawa hummed again, nothing in his tone identified affirmative or negative.

“What does that even mean?” Iwaizumi reached out and lightly punched Oikawa’s shoulder.

“Ouch! Mean Iwa-chan! If I wasn’t hurt before, I'm hurt now!” Oikawa massaged his shoulder and stuck his tongue out before he looked up at the sky. Mumbling about how the aliens were sure taking their time.

Iwaizumi, content that Oikawa was not _seriously_ injured, sat up and began to put away his notes and the bug carrier into his backpack. If he lost any of them now, he could kiss his science project goodbye. After zipping his backpack closed and swinging it securely over his back, he stood up and stretched. He extended a hand down to Oikawa and pulled him to his feet. 

They didn’t hold hands anymore like when they were children, but they walked close enough that their arms brushed against each other.

  
  


** Fifteen  **

It was the summer of their first year of high school. They no longer spent nights in the park or the forest catching bugs for Iwaizumi. Their afternoons and evenings were usually occupied with a ball, a net, and Pocari Sweat. Volleyball had taken over their lives for the better part of the last few years. They had always been avid fans of the sport, had planned to join a team together and be the best setter-wing spiker duo Miyagi had ever seen.

This one particular evening, they were free. No practice, no homework, no responsibilities. Oikawa had conned Iwaizumi into an impromptu sleepover in his backyard. Perhaps conned isn’t the right word. Oikawa had asked Iwaizumi if he wanted to stay over and Iwaizumi said yes. But if you asked him about it later, he would tell you that he didn’t say yes right away. 

  
  


“Shittykawa, I still don’t see it. You say it’s this Orion guys belt but all I see are three stars.”

“Yes, Iwa-chan that is the belt!”

“But where is Orion?”

Oikawa huffed and grabbed his hand, he started tracing an outline in the sky. He was so focused on what was up in the heavens, he didn’t see the look of love and adoration on Iwaizumi’s face back on earth.

  
  


**Sixteen**  
  
“Happy birthday Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head as a blush crept up his cheeks.

“Thank you, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa beamed as he opened the large envelope. He skimmed the sheets of paper in the folder. His eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open as he stared at Iwaizumi.

Feeling uncomfortable under the weight of his gaze, Iwaizumi crossed his arms and huffed, “If you don’t like it, just tell me.” 

Oikawa threw his arms around him, “You named a star after me?! A star!! Iwa-chan!” When he pulled back, he was all smiles. “This is honestly the best gift I have ever received. Thank you so much.” Oikawa pulled him into a hug again, somehow he seemed closer than before.

If Iwaizumi wasn’t blushing before, he was definitely blushing now. Oikawa’s body heat seeped into him through their t-shirts and stirred up feelings that Iwaizumi had struggled hard to repress over that past year. They had known each other for 16 full years now, touching and hugging wasn’t a new concept between them. But when Iwaizumi had started seeing Oikawa as more than just his childhood friend, his best friend, his setter; the physical contact had been too much to bear. It was almost as if it burned him to be around Oikawa like that. But sometimes the burn was worth it if he got to see him so genuinely happy. Like today.

He looked up and met Oikawa’s chocolate brown eyes. _When did he get so tall?_

  
  
“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa cocked his head to the side. 

_God he looks cute._

“Are you okay? You look flushed. Do you have a fever?” Oikawa placed the back of his hand against his forehead. “Hmm, you seem really warm. Let’s get you some water.” He grabbed his hand in his to lead him into his house.

Iwaizumi tugged gently, preventing Oikawa from moving forward. He laced their fingers together.

“I-Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi swallowed thickly, unsure what possessed him to do this now but he was already in this far. He may as well dive in fully.

“I-I like you… Tooru.”

“Hah?”

“Tch, I like you, Oikwa Tooru! I have feelings for you. I don’t want you to date other girls. I want to date you. Properly.”

Oikawa took a moment to process what he had just heard. His eyes focused on their entwined hands. He must have taken too long to respond because he felt Iwaizumi’s grip loosen in an attempt to let go, but Oikawa immediately tightened his grip.

“Hajime, I’m not saying no. But I need a little time to sort my feelings out. Will you wait for me?”

The look on Iwaizumi’s face was one of disappointment, but he nodded. He knew he’d wait forever if he had to.

  
  


** Twenty  **

“It took him two hours before he showed up at my house and jumped at me. I wasn’t prepared so we fell over. He pretty much screamed at me about that before he finally told me that he liked me too. It was quite the ordeal.”

Ushijima nodded as he sipped on his drink. He was enjoying his time with Iwaizumi catching up and gaining insight into his relationship. “It must be quite fascinating to be with someone that you’ve known your whole life. It would appear that there’s not much that’s a mystery between you.” 

“Hmm, I never thought about it that way. I mean on the court, it was like our minds were definitely in sync but outside of it, there was still so much to discover. We were best friends up until we were 16, we still are. But when we started dating, well, falling in love is a completely different ball game. I’m sure you can understand.”

Ushijima nodded. He didn't completely understand but he wanted to be polite.

“Hey I have an idea! Let’s take a selfie!”

“A selfie!”

“Yeah, I’m going to send it to Shittykawa.”

  
  


<[3:34] {image attached}

<[3:34] Hey, you’ll never guess who I ran into

Shittykawa ♡ Tooru

>[3:56] …

>[3:56] …

>[3:57] ...

>[4:02] Traitor

<[4:10] You love me.

Shittykawa ♡ Tooru

>[4:13] Unfortunately I do. Call me later please? Have fun <3

  
  


** Twenty-Seven  **

_Tokyo 2021 Summer Olympics_

Team Japan lined up to shake hands with team Italy. They had fought hard for their chance to face Brazil for the gold medal, and now they were one step closer to becoming Olympic champions. Iwaizumi was close to bursting with pride when the final point had been earned from a beautiful toss from Oikawa to Ushijima. Japan’s main line-up worked together like a well oiled machine. He couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face when he saw Oikawa sling an arm around his former rival and current teammate. They had all grown so much over the years.

_However, there are six players on the volleyball court! Even if our opponent's some genius first-year or Ushiwaka, the team with the better six is stronger, you dumbass!_

His words to Oikawa all those years ago surfaced to his memory as Bokuto, Hirugami, Sakusa, Hinata, Ushijima and Oikawa sauntered off the court. They were the better six alright. But if you asked him, his boyfriend was still the best of the bunch. He brought out the best in his teammates just as he did at Aoba Johsai, in Argentina. His talent earned him the position of captain of team Japan, there was no doubt about it.

When they had all crowded into the locker room, the reserve team members, coaches, and assistants were throwing congratulations all around. When Iwaizumi finally entered, he found himself with his arms full of Oikawa, the taller man clinging to him like they were children again.

“Did you see that Iwa-chan? Did you see?”

Iwaizumi grinned up at him, “Yeah, I did. You were wonderful. You all were.”

“But I was the best right?”

He kissed him, tasting the remnants of strawberry chapstick and sweat on his lips.

“You’ll always be number one to me, Oikawa.” Yeah, maybe Iwaizumi was a little bit biased.

“Ahh, I love you Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi captured his lips again, “I love you too.”

  
  
  
  


When Oikawa opened his eyes again, he was no longer at the Olympics. He was back in the all white room. A flicker of movement caught his eye and he looked over to see Iwaizumi finish his conversation with the doctor. He only caught the sympathetic expression of the doctor’s face and the moment Iwaizumi’s shoulders hunched over. 

The door closed, leaving the two of them alone. Iwaizumi took a shuddering breath before he turned and made his way to the hospital bed. He rolled a chair over and leaned over to kiss Oikawa’s cheek and smooth his hair. Oikawa leaned into his touch and smiled.

_So warm._ Oikawa thought to himself. 

He felt Iwaizumi clasp his hand tightly, felt his lips press chastely against his knuckles. A calloused thumb ran over the once smooth skin over the back of his hand. He looked so sad.

"Hajime?"

Iwaizumi silently continued his motions, he appeared to be deep in thought. Oikawa frowned and squeezed his hand to try and get his attention. He wanted to know why he looked so forlorn. The silence and the occasional hiss of oxygen stretched between them. Oikawa found that he didn’t mind the quiet so much now that he had Iwaizumi with him. His presence was always comforting, soothing rather. 

If Oikawa had to compare him to one of the stars he loved so much, it would have to be Polaris; the North Star. It wasn’t the brightest star in the sky, that title belonged to Sirius, but Oikawa didn’t need the brightest. The light of Polaris was a humble one, not too bright, not too dim, but perfect all the same. It's unwavering position served as a beacon to guide travelers and other lost souls home. If Oikawa could give Polaris a trait, he’d say it was dependable. Just like his Iwa-chan. 

Oikawa was about to drift off again when he heard Iwaizumi clear his throat. “You know, I spent 41 days waiting for you. I don’t think my life truly began until you entered this world Tooru. But what do I know? I was just a baby then.” He chuckled. 

“Hajime? What--”

Iwaizumi pressed on, “You’ve been there my whole life. We’ve spent nearly 30 years together. I’ve been lucky enough to call you mine for 13 of those years. You loved me unconditionally, you supported me when I felt lost. Even if we weren’t together every day, those years we spent apart, you made sure I never felt like I was alone. Who could have known that the heart I loved so much would be what takes you away from me?” His tears flowed freely as he gazed at Oikawa’s form as if memorizing him.

“No Hajime, don’t look at me like this now. Remember me how I was. Not in this sickly body.”

But Iwaizumi continued to cry silently as if he didn’t hear him. Oikawa tightened his grip on his hand before finally realizing why he was being ignored. Why his words and his touch weren’t reaching him.

Oikawa wasn’t actually moving anymore. He was already gone. The only thing tethering him to this moment in time was the machine at his side and the broken man on his other side. 

Iwaizumi reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small red box. “I should have done this a long time ago.” 

_Oh, Iwa-chan… Hajime..._

“Tooru, I had a dream about us once. We were sitting at home, your glasses were perched on your nose, you had a book in your hands and a cat on your lap. You had this ring on your finger.” Iwaizumi opened the box and pulled out a simple gold band, a small princess cut diamond set in the centre. 

Oikawa was sure that if he could, he would be sobbing uncontrollably

“I saw you and I together. We bought that farmhouse you always wanted in the countryside. Away from all the city lights so you could look up at your stars undisturbed. Your hairline was receding, you had to wear your glasses all the time. You screeched at me when you found your first gray hair, your first few wrinkles. We travelled the world. Takeru’s kids would visit us, we were their great-uncles you know?” He smiled wistfully, “You gained weight Tooru, it was all the milk bread. But I loved you even more like that. I loved you.” 

He choked when he realized he had used _love_ in the past tense. “I love you so much.” He corrected, his eyes stinging with tears again.

“Would you marry me, Tooru?”

  
  
“Yes!!” Oikawa screamed, but it fell on deaf ears. No one could hear him.

Iwaizumi placed the ring on Oikawa’s finger and held his hand tightly once again. “Even if you said no, this ring was meant for you to begin with. It doesn’t belong with anyone else. Since I cannot stay by your side, it should be with you forever, in place of me.”

Oikawa’s thoughts pulled him to the drawer of his bedside table in their home. The velvet box that contained a gold band with a single brilliant cut diamond inlay. The ring he had purchased the year before but never gave because he was waiting for the right moment. But that moment would never come now. He didn’t want to imagine the look on Iwaizumi’s face when he would eventually find it. He prayed he wouldn't be alone when he did.

“That’s the future I always wanted with you Tooru. The future I wish I could have still. I know I’ll keep dreaming of it.” Iwaizumi’s voice cracked. “I already lived for 41 days without you in my life and frankly Tooru, I don’t know how I’m going to live the rest of it without you.” He pitched forward into Oikawa’s lap and sobbed, overwhelmed by his emotions.

Oikawa felt his heart break as he watched Hajime, his Iwa-chan, his pillar crumble under the weight of his sadness. He wished he could comfort him, hold him, run his fingers through his dark locks one last time. But he couldn’t. 

Understanding this was going to be goodbye, Oikawa spoke from his heart, hoping that his words would somehow reach his eternal fiancé.

“Hajime, when I was born you were already 41 days old. You have always been there.

Even if we didn’t see each other every day, there hasn’t been a time in my life where you didn’t exist. When you were in school, when I was in Argentina. It was hard. So hard, but we made it work. You supported my dreams. You graduated from university. We were able to be together again. We were able to be a team again. We won gold together, Hajime.

You gave me love even when I didn’t deserve it. You gave me strength when I didn’t realize I needed it. You’ve made me the happiest man alive in the 29 years I got to live with you at my side.

You’ve been there my whole life. I don’t know what the world is like without you because you were already here, waiting for me.

There are so many things I wish I could say. So many things I wish we could do together. I would have loved to marry you, live out in the country together. I would have loved to grow old and fat with you.

I’m sorry that I can’t be here with you anymore. I would have loved to make that dream a reality.

I’m sorry that I have to leave you now.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Comments and feedback are always welcome!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/NanaChoi)  
> [Tumblr](https://nanacee.tumblr.com/)


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